Ian sat on the boat and remained silent, while trying to focus on everything that happened. Was he dead now? Has everything gone wrong? Eric words were echoing in his mind through the mist "you will cause one of them to die".
Is Adam dead? They had failed terribly! Alain had been expecting them... but still they moved forward! What were they thinking? What was *he* thinking?!
Without realizing, Ian was curling himself, pulling his knees to his chest, as to hide away from all those memories. What happened to Adam? Was he pulled into Marlene's necklace while attacking? Was that even possible?! Had Jacob's shot killed him...?
Why wasn't he dead too? He should be! He wanted to be! WHY WASN'T HE DEAD?!! "At least we die together"
"I'm so sorry Adam", he said out loud, but his voice was lost between his lips. Ian felt his eyes tickling and warm liquid drops falling through his face but he didn't bother to check if they were still blood.
They had said goodbye the night before, but Ian had been clinging to the hope that goodbye's wouldn't be necessary. But... Now Ian was realizing he didn't get a chance to say it the right way. He didn't told him anything... He didn't try to stop Adam from going for Alain, not even when he realized they were expected! He let Adam die... he saw Adam die. He had felt his loss... But he hadn't been able to die with him, like he agreed they would.
Ian didn't know where he was, or how he got there, and part of him couldn't care less. Not about the shore next to him, not about Dream Lands or Raven kings or prophecies or any of the sort. The Dracul could very well be dead too, as well as the Invictus. Did anything still matter? Revenge did! ... Ian just wasn't very sure about whom he wanted revenge upon... but that too didn't seem to matter as well!
Maybe he really was dead; he couldn't feel anything but pain. Ian looked at the dark waters around them and remembered how quiet it was down there; how quiet it would be to simply remember nothing.
Adam had told him he would never be a true Nosferatu without suffering. Ian only wished all of this would make him stronger, strong enough to give all this hurt to Alain and to Alice. And... He turned his face for the first time, not caring if anyone could see him cry, and looked at Jacob. He couldn't hate Jacob for firing against the necklace, could he? He didn't know but once again, he didn't care.
All this hurt would stop if he could turn it to hate, like Adam did. His hate made him strong and Ian wanted to live up to be acknowledge as Adam's Lover. No matter if Adam was dead or if Ian was dead too; he was Adam's lover, and his child, and he could find a way to strike Alain down as Adam died trying. He wanted to feel nothing but hate.
His head fell on his knees. No, he just wished he had understand it all wrong and Adam was still alive somewhere... maybe waiting for him on those shores.
His tears were dropping fast and he couldn't prevent his body from shaking. He did care were he was. He cared about what was happening, he cared about his family and that he might never see them again.
He was falling into despair, silently and alone.
He needed to regain control, to think rationally. Just to calm himself...
Ian tried to breath and he wasn't sure if he succeeded. He looked at the dark waters again, nothing on them but the moon, round and perfect, completely superior to whatever happened were her pale reflection shone. Ian blinked, as if entranced. Looking at the water again he saw the figure he used to see in the mirror staring back at him. But he was different from what Ian was used to see; not arrogant but cold, and not superior either, just distant as if a mere projection of something that shone higher. The monster had no expression, wasn't presenting his usual scornful smile, but he was crying tears of blood; he stared at Ian blankly, with no sign of emotion but two trails marked in red. The monster had lost his most precious treasure and he buried his soul with its memory; now the world only matter when it reminded him of Adam.
Ian passed a hand over his face to wipe the tears and the monster did the same. Fear and doubt were not going to help him; neither was falling into despair. He didn't know where he was, but he would soon. If he was truly dead, then there wouldn't be much to fear anymore; but if this was really the dream lands, then maybe he could strike Alain deeper than he ever could in the human world. He had faced Alain courageously and fell, as Adam had did before him; but maybe fortune does favour him and he would get a better chance.
Maybe he would never see his family again and they would be left without knowing what happened; but he had made his farewell even if they did not realize it. The same for Samuel, but he for one knew he might never return; maybe in time Samuel might forgive him and praise the moments they had. But that too didn't matter anymore. Being truly dead or not didn't matter, for he died when Adam turned to dust; and if Ian was still alive, lost in the dream lands, he would forever be nothing more than his lover, just a shadow raised by his blood and his memories. Finally dead as a human and maybe as a vampire as well, but now with the strength and determination he needed to strike back.
e muito bem. O Ian recebe 18 XPs, altough he "couldn't care less".