Ian rose from the water and clutched his hands.
He wanted to kill Adam! He really wanted him to suffer, to watch him bleed...
He hated the dammed bastard!
Ian felt his own blood boil. He could kill Adam himself! "Why wait for Alain?!"
If not kill ... at least hurt him...A lot!...
What more did he want? "Damm him!!"
Had he not come just to find him? Did Ian not say he feared for Adam's safety?
All he ever wanted was that guy's approval! He had gone to look for Alain, just to point Adam in the right way. He had gone to tunnels in Bran's tomb, just to find him. Ian even bored looking for Adam on forgotten corners of empty streets just to have the chance to see him!
And now... NOW that he just wanted to tell a simple thing... "Just three bloody words!!" they seemed much difficult than all the rest. He never knew how to out spoken his feelings, Samuel always said it better than he ever could. "Samuel..." could be in danger and Ian was rubbishing time trying to earn himself a fast way to a better place.
For Adam, if enraged, was sure to kill him. He wouldn't see through Ian's anger, he couldn't see an act of despair in his attack. Ian was sure to fall before his blow stroke, and he would have thrown away his chance of saying... anything.
Ian knew (or maybe, he just feared) Adam would never be able to return his feelings, at least not in the same way. Adam was too monstrous, too lost from any image of a human being. Adam was just a shadow, a personification of despair and fear.
Yet, he tries to protect his covenant, he visits his brother. He gave Ian his blood when he asked... "and he didn't kill me, yet"
Ian looked at his Sire, at the water side. "Just three words, Ian", he thought.
They would never be together, Adam would never allow it. Adam will go to Alain and die.
Yet...
Would Ian abandon his remaining humanity to help Adam? "yes".
Would he take the blow from Alain, to protect Adam? "yes".
Would he desert his family, if Adam asked? "yes".
Would he betray the Dracul's trust, if they ever align with the Lancea Santcum, and decide to destroy the Circle ...and Adam? "... Yes".
Is this easier than say I love you? "..."