(part II)
Ian picked up another card and turned it. A young man presented himself hanging upside down from a branch of a tree. "Is he balancing or the branch kept him from falling?" Maybe the figure was trying to see the world from a higher point.
"Or maybe his world got suddenly turned upside down!", Ian smiled uncomfortably...
He looked at the door. His Father was just 3 rooms away. It was late, very late actually, but Ian could go knock on their door and... just say something. Anything.
They hardly ever speak now; and when they do, everything is left unsaid. Ian knew his father loved him dearly, but he also knew he would never understand, less alone accept, his new self. He was stepping further away from his family every night and even though Ian could occupy himself and forget about it, the emptiness was still there.
He had lived with the idea than nothing matters more than family, and he still believed that. Maybe, his father believes that too and, in time, he might not shudder when Ian embraces him and they might be a family again.
Ian would like that... and he knew they would like that too.
What is missing when 4 people are so connected and mean so much to one another? Should he open his heart to them and explain the whole truth? "No, they would be too scared of me!" Should he lie, then?
Ian put down the card in front of him. He then changed position for the first time in an hour and embraced his knees, like he used to when he was a little boy.
He didn't know.
His father had accepted the blame for a murderer, just to protect him. "I'm so sorry..." That was probably the only thing Ian truly regretted in his new life, and the only thing he would never forgive himself for. Ian would do anything to turn back time... or to see that the case never gets to court. How could be let his father pay for something he did? How could he apologize to him?
He realized he was crying again, but, this time, Ian didn't care. He deserved to suffer. He truly hated himself when he remembered what his father was facing because of him. In those moments, he only wished he could die and take the blame.
"maybe I could... Maybe I could present myself as the culprit and say my father was protecting me!" He would go to prison and die, so what?! Or he could take the blame, and then run away... Either way would be fine.
Then maybe his grandfather wouldn't be so disappointed; maybe he would, even if just a little, be proud of him again. His approval meant everything. Ian remembered how he used to phone his grandfather to tell him his grades, from kindergarten to college. And how his grandfather's eyes shone with pride when he used to say, laughing," this is my grandson, he'll be an even greater doctor than I am".
He had let them down.
Even Diane. She didn't understand it yet; everything's great and magical now, but she'll end up seeing Ian as the coward who let their father go to prison; she'll hate him for having destroyed the idea she had of her brother. And he will loose her too.
Ian rested his head on his knees and kept crying. The card lay in front of him for half an hour, before the vampire had the heart to wipe his tears and pack it with the rest.
He stared at the few remaining cards, uneasy. Should he pick another one and turn it?