E deixo-vos com o HIPER MEGA ULTRA FICHEIRO de piadas de Lâmpadas do WOD, compilado por mim de varios sites, homepages, e mailing lists.
COM VOCÊS:
THE ULTIMATE WORLD OF DARKNESS LIGHTBULB JOKES FILE
VAMPIRE
Camarilla
How many Brujah does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to screw in the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
How many Brujah does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But he uses a chainsaw.
How many Brujah does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to do it and three to hold the bike.
How many Brujah does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"Changing light bulbs is part of the capitalist, neo-nazi, oppression of the people! I refuse to change --" <thunk> "OUCH! Who put a wall there?"
How many Brujah does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Brujah ain't afraid of the dark.
How many Brujah does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Let the Rabble do the dishes in the dark.
How many Brujah does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hey, you can screw in your own damn light bulb!
How many Brujah does it take to change a light bulb?
If you want it changed to fragments, only one.
How many Brujah Princes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What a sacreligious thought: A BRUJAH PRINCE?
How many Brujah Idealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, he refuses to believe it is broken.
How many Gangrel does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What's a lightbulb? A new kind of tree?
How many Gangrel does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Blah. Who needs light bulbs when the moon is out?
How many Gangrel does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. "Whatta ya mean no camp fires?"
How many Gangrel does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but if he's using protean, he's a munchkin.
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. We have auspex, silly.
How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?
"Oh yeah? Prove that it needs changing."
How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it depends if the tomato is ripe and chicken is willing.
How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?
The FISH!!
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six: five to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
200: one to hold the bulb and 199 to rotate the house to screw it in.
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(The Word Eater Was Here)
How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?
It's MY BULB! I took it, it spoke to me, it's MINE!!
How many Malkavians does it take to change a light bulb?
Which one?
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but the bulb might refuse to shine afterwards...
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it will be put in sideways.
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but first she needs to call the Magic Cow for aid. "MOOOOOOO!"
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they think the light is still on, and telling them stories.
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A dog, because ice cream has no bones.
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but the question is, how did they get in it?
How many Malkavians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Depends whether you count the other voices.
How many Malkavians without the multiple personality derangement does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Both of them.
How many Nosferatu does it take to screw in a light bulb?
DO they have light bulbs down there?
How many Nosferatu does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - They already know everything, why do they need light?
How many Nosferatu does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Nosferatu look better in the dark.
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1 Artiste to put it in and 2 Poseurs to critique the performance.
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to hold it, and too many others to sculpt it, draw it, paint it, make a poem about it...
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. A burned out light bulb is clearly great art.
How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it, the other to criticize the lampshade.
How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
One. "But the bulb I want has to be from Fraance" (whiney voice)
How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
Does it have to be a light bulb? How about a nice candelabra, or a pretty sconce. Maybe a Victorian chandelier …
How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but by the time she's done improvising an interprative dance about changing the bulb, the sun is up.
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
:: squeal :: Oooh! I've never done it in a light bulb before!
How many Toreador does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to do it and two to serve refreshments.
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
50. One to actually screw in the light bulb and 49 to say how they could've done it better.
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it will take them an hour once they are done being fascinated by the refrigerator light.
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: one to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to shriek "FABULOUS, DAHHHLING!"
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What? And wreck my nails?
How many Toreador does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. She holds onto the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her.
How many Toreador Artistes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. They don't like to share the spotlight.
How many Toreador Artistes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But 500 auditioned for the part.
How many Tremeres does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, after the ritual has been completed (of course).
How many Tremeres does it take to change a light bulb?
One. "You will change my light bulb. . .", "I will change your light bulb. . ." "You will forget you ever saw me . . .", "I will forget I ever saw you . . . "
How many Tremeres does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six. One to notice the light bulb is broken, one to tell the Chantry head, one to conjure a new bulb, one to levitate the old one out, one to levitate the new one in, and one to dominate the old one into forgetting it ever happened.
How many Tremeres does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to do it and the other to deny that it was done.
How many Tremeres does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sorry, can't tell you. Clan secret.
How many Tremeres does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But it takes him eight weeks to gather up enough XP.
How many Tremeres does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to do it and two to confuse the issue.
How many Tremeres does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to change it, one to make sure nobody's looking, and one to tell the Council of Seven.
How many Ventrues does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - They have flunkies for that sort of thing.
How many Ventrues does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but they have to have a board meeting and attain a quorum first.
How many Ventrues does it take to change a light bulb?
What do you mean, change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb. We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.
How many Ventrues does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nine. Eight to sit on the committee and one to get his ghoul to do it.
How many Ventrues does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: What is a lightbulb? I always used candles!
How many Ventrue Childer does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I haven't earned the right to make a ghoul yet.
How many Ventrues does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, we don't DO manual labor!
How many Ventrues does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. You have an overwhelming compulsion to do it yourself.
How many Ventrues does it take to change a light bulb?
Change? Change!?!....
How many Ventrues does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to tell the other to call a servant.
Sabbat
How many Sabbat does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to do it, one to frenzy over it, one to laugh maniacally about it and one to report the other three to the bishop.
How many Sabbat does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve: one to perform the deed, and eleven to provide cover fire.
How many Tzimisces does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seven. One to flesh-craft a ghoul into a glass sphere, another to flesh-craft a homeless person into bio-luminescent filament...
How many Tzimisces does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it's the poor bastard who's been crafted onto the mains you want to worry about.
How many Tzimisce does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to sleep with the old one every night.
How many Tzimisces does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on what you want it changed to! ::cracks knuckes::
How many Lasombra does it take to change a light bulb?
How can you tell that the light isn't working?
How many Lasombra does it take to change a light bulb?
None. We like it in the dark.
How many Lasombra does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh we don't need to change the old one, it's just been shrouded.
How many Malkavian antitribu does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What Malkavian antitribu? We're PANDERS, damn it!
How many Salubri antitribu does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to put in the new lightbulb and three to fight of a nearby Tremere who was trying to change the lightbulb first.
How many Blood Brothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but how can you tell which one did it?
Independent
How many Assamites does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, if the price is right.
How many Capaddocians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
No idea. They're too busy studying the dead one.
How many Children of Osiris does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change the light bulb, and one to cleanse it first of its sins.
How many Daughters of Cacophony does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's her fault it's broken.
How many Daughters of Cacophony does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to blast the old one out of its socket, and one to put the new one in.
How many Gargoyles does it take to change a light bulb?
Touch this light bulb and you die.
How many Giovanni does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But if he does it wrong they’ll break his kneecaps.
How many Giovanni does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to put it in and two to summon and control the spirit of the old one.
How many Giovanni does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but they have to find a bulb that was related to the original.
How many Giovanni does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. "Oh excuse me, could you please test the socket with your finger while I go get a new bulb?"
How many Ravnos does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulb? *whistles innocently* What Light bulb?
How many Ravnos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he was the one who took the light bulb in the first place.
How many Ravnos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
There's nothing wrong with the light bulb. It's all in your eyes.
How many Ravnos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but you'd better check your wallet when the lights come back on.
How many Salubri does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb has found peace.
How many Salubri does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to heal the old bulb, and one to watch the door for Tremere.
How many Samedi does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The bulb will run away
How many Setites does it take to change a light bulb?
We prefer the dark, but if you really want it changed, we have jussssst the bulb for you... for a priccccce...
Others
How many Vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
But they like it dark.
How many ghouls does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. one to put a new light bulb in, one to break the first's bulb and replace it with his own and then a third to go tell the master that he changed it.
How many Anarchs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
All of them.
How many Harpies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It's rumored to have been done already.
How many Elders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"Wait a second, where does the candle go?"
How many Justicars does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: One to change it, one to pass judgment, and one to dispute it.
How many Princes does it take to change a light bulb?
None: The Justicars said to stay out of their way.
How many Primogen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who knows? They have to vote on it first and then wait for the Prince to approve.
How Antediluvians does it take to change a light bulb?
None: They broke it in the first place, saying, quote, 'Who woke me up?!? And why in the Nine Hells is this bright light shining?'
WEREWOLF
How many Lupines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"Light bulbs are the spawn of the Wyrm! How dare you ask me . . .“[Crunch, crunch, mangle, shred]
How many Lupines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - The burned out bulb reminds them of Gaia's plight, and they'd all rage and destroy each other before they could get around to doing it.
How many Lupines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to put it in, and one to go out and kill something to celebrate the rite of bulb changing.
How many Lupines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to defeat all the other fuzzies who want to do it first.
How many Lupines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but all the tribes have to fight about which one gets to do it.
How many Lupines does it take to screw in a light bulb??
What's a light bulb?
How many Lupines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to screw in it and a Gaillard to write a song exaggerating the legendary task.
How many Lupines does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it, and a Gaillard to write a song honoring the old bulb.
How many Lupines does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but they'll never get it changed in time.
How many Lupines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: the burned-out bulb reminds them of Gaia's plight, and they'd all rage and destroy each other before they get around to doing it.
How many Lupines sitting around a fire pit does it take to screw in a light bulb?
FIFTEEN: One to explain the Garou way of lightbulbs to the cubs, One to make wisecracks, Three to talk about other Garou behind their backs, Two to growl vague threats at each other, One to go idle while answering all the reg-mail, Two to go idle 'cus they're at work, One to show how ignorant the lupus can be of the homid's strange technology, and Four to wonder at the tragedy and woe implicit in the Garou way of life...HEY! WAIT! None of them are actually screwing in the light bulb!
How many Lupines does it take to change a light bulb?
"Okay, let me see if I understand Garou social structure. An Ahroun, a Theurge, a Ragabash and a Philodox are sitting in a room. The light bulb burns out. The Ahroun directs a meaningful stare at the Theurge, expecting him to fix it. The Theurge ignores him, continuing to meditate. The Ragabash makes jokes about how brave they all are, to sit in the dark like that. Finally, the Philodox rolls his eyes, heaves a sigh, and gets up to replace the bulb."
How many Ahrouns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two to fight for the honor of being the one chosen to journey to the Scab in quest of the lightbulb. Two to fight for the honor of being the one chosen to put the lightbulb in. And an entire pack to patrol the perimeter while the lightbulb is being screwed in, lest the Wyrm choose this moment of vulnerability to attack...
How many Philodox does it take to change a light bulb?
SIX: Two to debate the merits of 40 Watt vs. 70 Watt bulbs, One to mediate the dispute, One to cite meaningful portions of the Litany (Does "The Veil shall not be lifted" include lampshades?), One to keep the Get and the Furies from throating each other as they bump around in the dark while waiting for the bulb to be changed, and One to screw in the light bulb.
How many Ragabash does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hmmm... *naughty grin* Haven't tried _that_ yet...
How many Ragabash does it take to change a light bulb?
Shhh... You'll spoil everything! The Wyrm can't see us here in the dark... (This could also be FAMOUS LAST WORDS!)
How many Black Furies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Get a man to do it!
How many Black Furies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
How many Black Furies does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and three to frenzy over the violation of the socket.
How many Black Spiral Dancers does it take to change a light bulb?
None... you change yourself...
How many Bone Gnawers does it take to change a light bulb?
F**k, they'd eat it.
How many Children of Gaia does it take to change a light bulb?
TEN: One to change the bulb and the other nine to "experience" it.
How many Children of Gaia does it take to change a light bulb?
No, no, no. We cannot change the light bulb until it's ready to change, and besides, it wouldn't be burned out if we hadn't imposed the Impergium for so long.
How many Children of Gaia does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, One to put in the new bulb, one to recycle the old one, and one to meditate on how Gaia feels about the change.
How many Croatan does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Don't know, but the Wendigo and Uktena would sure like to know.
How many Fianna does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to screw it in, and nine to write bad poems and songs about it.
How many Fianna does it take to screw in a light bulb?
TWO: One to hold the bulb and another to drink until the room starts spinning...
How many Get of Fenris does it take t.... AAaaccCCcKKkk.... brbl...
let go of my... (gasp)... throat.... ahcckk... Bloody Claws, it was just a... aCCkK... JOKE... (where's a stick?) ACCCKKKK!
How many Glass Walkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one but it'll COST ya...
How many Glass Walkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wouldn't that break the Litany?
How many Red Talons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, wolves don't have opposable thumbs.
How many Red Talons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Weaver thing. Kill.
How many Shadow Lords does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to put in the new bulb and another to stab him in the back while he's doing it.
How many Shadow Lords does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but you have to make him alpha or he won't even consider it!
How many Silent Striders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll go all the way to Tokyo for the bulb...and charge mileage.
How many Silver Fangs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
FOUR: One to talk about the great light bulb screwings of days past, One to consult a wise ancestor about the proper techniques of light bulb insertion, One to screw it in, and One to remind him to stop talking into space and screw in the lightbulb.
How many Stargazers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Leave the bulb dead. The bloody light pollution interferes with my skywatching!!
How many Stargazers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wow, man... that's, like, a really deep question.
How many Stargazers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Stargazers see by their own inner light.
How many Stargazers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The use of lightbulbs only binds you further to this poor material world...
How many Uktena does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to keep everyone else away, while the others... Let's just say it gets screwed in and leave it at that!
How many Uktena does it take to change a light bulb?
Why, none, of course. They'd rather leave everyone else in the dark...
How many Wndigo does it take to change a light bulb?
Only weak whites need light bulbs...
CHANGELING
How many Changelings does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the new one will make funny-colored lights.
How many Boggans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he has to finish cooking dinner, washing the laundry, and trimming the hedges.
How many Eshu does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but first he has to go on a quest to find a new lightbulb and then tell the tale of "My trip to the store!".
How many Knockers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to build a machine totake out the old one, one to build a new lightbulb, and two to cuss abbout how they could've done it better.
How many Pooka does it take to change a light bulb?
None, I just changed it!
How many Redcaps does it take to screw in a light bulb??
Mmmmmmmm... light bulbs.....
How many Satyrs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Satyrs screw in hotel rooms, not light bulbs.
How many Sidhe does it take to change a light bulb?
One. “Squire, change that light bulb.”
How many Sluagh does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, the bulbs keeps sliding out of their hands.
How many Trolls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it takes an hour to swear the oath.
OTHER DENIZEMS OF THE WOD
How many Mortals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know, three so far! *slurp*
How many Hunters does it take to change a light bulb?
One, if he has faith that the bulb WILL be changed.
How many Arcanum Members does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just study the process of burning out. They don't do anything about it.
How many Mummies does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It will be reborn in a few hundred years anyway.
How many Gypsies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What light bulb? Talk to that Ravnos over there.
How many Mages does it take to screw in a light bulb?
501: one to transmute the bulb into a new one, and 500 to deal with the paradox spirits.
How many Wraiths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but you have to smash the bulb first.
How many Wraiths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he had to be REALLY close to that light bulb before he died to stick around long enough to do it.
How many Sam Haights does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but only if he can get a lupine skin.
How many mortals does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But he can't, because the place is too crowded with Brujah, Tremere, Malkavians, Nosferatu, Ventrue, Lasombra, Ravnos, Gangrel, Samedi, Salubri, Toreador, Tzimisce, Assamites, Daughters of Cacophony, Gargoyles, Giovanni, Blood Brothers, Black Furies, Black Spiral Dancers, Shadow Lords, Silver Fangs, Stargazers, Children of Gaia, Fianna, Bonw Gnawers, Sluags, Boggans, Sidhe, Trolls, Knockers, Redcaps, Hunters, Satyrs, Mummies, Wraiths and Mages arguing about how many it takes to change it.