Ian opened his notebook and stared at his notes of what he learned from Diane's cards; that book was turning into a journal of his first lessons as a vampire. Maybe one day it would help someone, as Gabriel's journal helped him. Slowly he turn page after page until he reached one blank were he started...
At the blinding light of reality it is difficult to see two steps further than vengeance. My blood boils at the mere thought of my enemies and it is only the knowledge that I am part of something far greater than myself that holds my thirst.
London's hours passed fast while we were lost in dreams and the city's now setting itself for the new order my Lord will bring. A lot changed in this last two weeks and it is difficult to know where to fit; the Dracul, whose support and approval I was longing for, have stated their opposition to the raven king, considering him a threat and the possible downfall of the Covenant. My faith as well as my confidence is divided...
I am a Dracul, I have no doubt about my loyalty to our Covenant; I've done all that was asked, and I've given more than I was willing to sacrifice. The Dracul have shown me the answers I was looking for and the support I needed in my early nights; never until now have I considered to act against my covenant. The Dracul are the light in the darkness of eternity and reason and knowledge amongst the chaos of my nights.
But the king is the border between the three worlds, knowledge and truth taken shape. He is our maker and the founder of all I hope to achieve. By the king's side I will be powerful enough to turn Adam's enemies to dust and to rise myself higher than any other vampire. I know I can help Him take the throne of shadows and eliminate imposers like Bran, for it is my duty and my destiny.
But what about my Covenant? How can I choose between them and the Raven King? The king could lead us even further, why is he to be our enemy? I can't turn my back on any of them; and once again I'll be torn apart by my indecision.
Maybe I am not ready to make this decision yet, maybe there's still a path for me to tread before the course of action is chosen. As the world revealed itself more than I was prepared to see, the wheels turn to rise me to who was needed. "As it was meant to be", I could almost say. Most people live all their lives unaware of the existence of a purpose; they believe in nothing more than the present or for the future they believe to control. My embrace should have taught me otherwise, I should have noticed how all pieces fit into place. But naïve and idealistic as I was, I too saw nothing more than what was in front of me; only too late did I realize my ignorance would force me to crawl up to the piece of the puzzle I was expected to be.
My embrace threw me in a war with Alain, and I realize now both our destinies are connected. I was created by his enemy, a heartless monster who I grew to love beyond words, only to witness his death against such a stronger foe. Why would I love Adam so strongly only to loose him a few nights after? "You will never be a true Nosferatu without suffering", my Sire once told me only half joking. Curious how his words echo through the emptiness he left me in, as I see now my hate and my pain as my greatest allies against our foe. Alain is bound to die and it will be by Adam's blood, "as it is meant to be".
At the king's side I am destined to cross the murderer's path once more, one last time. And this time our enemy's downfall will be certain, for as an obstacle to my Lord's throne, he must perish before the end. Adam's death made me defy torpor and fall into the Dream Lands, where my despair called out to the raven king. One more card in place... I just have to be patient.
I accept now, as every wise man must, my part as destiny's willing pawn. There's nothing to be gain from rejecting or fighting against one's fate. For what are we but mere thread in a tapestry? Even if we don't realize our purpose, we are never the less part of a grand pattern. I know that I am destined to kill Alain and to descend to hell with his head, so that Adam and I will be reunited at last. Maybe our love was never meant to last in this world; but by sending his enemy to his death, I'll prove myself worthy of him once more, and maybe... even if just in hell, we could belong to each other again.
Looking to all that's happening around me, I still question some roles. What part does my family play? Why has my father been sacrificed for me? Why did I hurt Samuel this much, when all I wanted was to protect him and keep him close? Are they my chance of redemption? Could I ever turn back from the demon I'm becoming after I've done what is needed?
Could Adam forgive me if I keep him waiting a little longer?